Wednesday, 6 July 2011

It's been a while..

Okay, so I haven't wrote on here in absolutely ages. Mostly because every semi-interesting thought I have nowadays ends up on Twitter. And partly due to the fact that nobody reads it.

I did, however, have an epiphany.

The fact that nobody reads this is what makes this blog so special.
It's a way for me to vent my feelings, yet unlike a diary I know that there's always the chance that anyone (or EVERYONE) could find this eventually, and that makes me at least feel as though somebody is reading this thing and is (hopefully) feeling some sort of empathy for me.

I'll start out with last night, mostly because I'm still yet to sleep so the memories are still fresh in my mind. (well, most of them at least)

It started out with me thinking that I was going to have another quiet night in alone. Which honestly doesn't bother me, because aside from a few select friends, spending quiet time with anyone else is one of the most un-enjoyable experiences I can think of.
However, my watching CSI was rudely interrupted with a phone call from Katie. She is one of the few select people who I do enjoy quiet time with, however I was disappointed as the call was in fact an invitation to "go and sit 'round Melissa's cuz she's got a free house." I feigned a poor excuse, but did in the end give in. If I didn't go I may be excluded from future plans, at a time when I do, in fact, want to do something more exciting than watching films on my laptop with a nice pint of water.

We got to her house, and it wasn't long until our juvenile teenage minds 'clicked'..... "Mate, we have a free house... Why the fuck ain't we having a party?!"

In the end we did.

Yes, I am skipping out some details, and yes it is because I am FAR too lazy to write them up.

To be quite honest I'm not even sure why I'm doing this anymore?

The original intention of this post was to vent some anger about my current living arrangements, my "family", and whether or not I should choose to move in with my largely estranged mother.
Or maybe to up-sticks and move to an entirely new country? I have family in Ireland? And my wonderful Nan  should be moving to Australia soon, if all goes to plan.

Mostly though I'm just tiring, more and more each day of the family that my father made the stupid decision of becoming a part of almost ten years ago.

I mean moving to Corby has been quite good I suppose? Not that it isn't still a shit hole. Just that unlike the stereotype, some of the people who live here are genuinely lovely, as well as people that now, I dare not think    what life would be like without them?

Although I'm still yet to find a REAL best friend. And who knows? Maybe a move could change that?

The people I've become attached to, for the majority of the time, aren't exactly "true friends". To be honest I often question myself as to why I even speak to most of them.

I told an ex I was still in love with her last week. It was in a drunken stupor.
I don't...
I mean I wouldn't mind getting back with her? Because I do find her attractive? And I do like her personality?
But last night has definitely put me off.

I was getting jealous.
She was cuddling up to another guy.
Mere days after doing the same thing with me?
If it was an attempt at making me jealous, it worked.
But now I honestly think I'm over it.
Probably not.
But oh well.

I think you can tell after reading this why I called this blog "Ramblings."
It's just me trailing off my thoughts.
I suppose this is my version of talking to myself.
At least if you saw me writing this out on the train you wouldn't mind sitting next to me I suppose?
I know I'd prefer sitting next to someone who just types gibberish to the big wide web, as opposed to someone who mutters all of their problems under their breath at anyone within earshot.

I quite like this post.
I feel as though it's my first REAL blog post.
An actual record of my thoughts about things.
AND I have a great sense of accomplishment, I mean I didn't fully cover what it was that I was going to complain about in the first place. But I do feel as though I mentioned enough to sort of get my feelings out there.
It's calmed me down at least.

I'll go have a think to myself about what I should do next?
I think maybe a talk with my Dad.

I'll let you know how it goes.